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Grief of You

 I’m still with the man I’m grieving, I’m not sure if that’s the best way to put it. I know I’m slowly getting into the mindset of ending such a toxic relationship, but the pain and love I feel so strongly is crippling. Mourning the end of us and our love is breaking me. We could keep fighting forever, breaking up and coming back together more in tatters each time. But I know I need another chance, I know I will never be loved by him how I want to. I need to heal myself and try to regain my self-esteem, rebuild relationships I put off because I was too busy with my relationship, focus on my work and trying to elevate myself. I realize my family isn’t going to be there for me, I need to try to find happiness in myself and the people who want to make me happy instead of chasing the approval and love of people who don’t really care. I want to take better care of myself and my dog, and get out of this basement. It’s not a matter of if the relationship will end it’s when. I realize I love h
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Explanation

 I’m struggling, I have been for awhile. It’s hard to talk about what I’m feeling, it’s too emotional for me sometimes. The big issue is nobody cares to listen, or I’m constantly invalidated until I don’t even say anything because I feel it’s not even worth anyone else’s time. I feel so uncomfortable talking to people after I notice they aren’t listening, but they come to you with their problems and it doesn’t bother you to listen because you care about these people and their experiences.  I’m hoping someone or a few people are like me, listeners,  observers, people who are interested in other people or even just want to remind some person on the internet that they are heard.  I’m writing my private thoughts for strangers to read, because I don’t have to look at anyone or hear their judgement. Or my favorite part, have them zone out on their phones while I talk to them.  I hope I don’t come across as the entitled “Me, me, me, listen to me!” I just feel bad when you are there for everyo
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